Half Man, Half Ass

Us Magazine reports that Alex Rodriguez has two commissioned paintings hanging in his bedroom depicting him as a centaur.

We expect no less.

It Only Sucks To Be Them

According to CNNMoney, these jobs are best at combining high stress and low pay:

1. Social worker

2. Special events coordinator

3. Parole officer

4. News reporter

5. Music ministry director

If your job isn't on the list, stop bitching and get back to work.

Sugar Shock

Halloween's over, so why is there still so much candy sitting in dishes around the office?

All the good stuff's gone now, so will somebody please eat the circus peanuts?

Sammy Sosa's Reputation Will Never Be As White As His Skin

Yep, that's Sammy Sosa, looking like a stunt double in the "Smooth Criminal" video.

It's all thanks to a "skin rejuvenation process," says a Cubs employee who still speaks to the disgraced slugger.

Creepy.

Finally -- bottle-nose pliers I can wear on my arm

Things that could go wrong while wearing The Tool Bandit, "the all-purpose magnetic tool organizer that you can wear on your arm."

* Pointy objects worn on your arm easily forgotten when you scratch your nose.

* High-powered magnets erase laptop hard drives that you happen to walk near.

* Chance of being mistaken for a handy Nazi.

(Hat tip: John Urban.)

Mommy's Little Shoe Fetishist

According to Yahoo!, baby luxuries are going out of style. Mainly because no one can afford them.

Boo hoo, then, to designer Marc Jacobs, who's losing sales on his $195 Mary Jane baby shoes.

... Maybe this recession isn't such a bad thing.

We're Just Saying

There might have been a time in 1992 when Paul Reiser's "I'm just saying" was mildly amusing.

That time has passed.

(Hat tip: Kevin E.)

Scare Traffic Control

Want a great job and high pay without the hassle of going to school?

Air traffic controller is the gig for you. On average, you haul in $117,200 and retire at age 50. Two years of on-the-job training is all you need to start your exciting career of watching dots move across screens.

Think about that the next time you're about to board.