Car dealers have officially destroyed the word "sale"

Websters defines the word "sale" as "a special disposal of goods, as at reduced prices."

It's our feeling that car dealers, with their perpetual "sales," are incorrectly using the word, and knowingly. You can't find a lot that isn't having some sort of sale every day they're open.

The sad part here is that the hyperbole must work or they wouldn't do it.

You can keep your cyclists -- give us the Devil

We've already had plenty of the Tour de Lance, but we can't get enough of El Diablo.

He's a 56-year-old German dude who likes to run in his devil costume alongside the cyclists. How sweet is that? Other activities that could be improved by an El Diablo appearance:

Running of the bulls

Corporate trust-building retreat

Kindergarten graduation

Mr Super Old Picnic Table That Nobody Ever Uses

You're not quite in the same eyesore class as a Camaro up on blocks but that's only because you can't rust, Mr. Super Old Picnic Table That Nobody Ever Uses.

But your paint does chip and wood starts to sag and pretty soon there's no way you could even support a bowl of potato salad.

Might be time to send Mr. Super Old Picnic Table That Nobody Ever Uses to live with a nice farm family. Either that or saw him up for a campfire.

The Circus is Stoopid

We suppose we should hate the circus because they beat the elephants. And we're not for whipping Jumbo by any means.

But the real reasons we hate the circus?

* Clowns aren't funny. Red noses aren't funny. Seltzer bottles aren't funny. Big shoes aren't funny. Was there really an ancient civilization that was entertained by this?

* The tricks aren't thrilling. See that daring young man on the flying trapeze? It's a SWING!

* There are lots of Shriners around. What's a Shriner?

Also, circus peanuts taste creepy.

Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Totally Did It!

Lost in the Staples Center hullabaloo was this startling revelation from Jackson confidante J. Randy Taborelli:

Michael and Lisa Marie Presley had an active sex life. "He was hot stuff in bed," Lisa Marie told a friend, adding that she should know because she had been around.

"The first time, she went to turn on the lights afterwards, and he leapt out of bed and ran into the bathroom so she wouldn't see his body," writes Taborelli. "He emerged 20 minutes later, in full make-up and wearing a silk robe. Then they went at it again."

Something tells us Elvis would have approved, if only to have someone in the family weirder than he was.

Free Mochas! (Unless they aren't ...)

McDonald's Free Mocha Monday promotion is just one example of the "At Participating Restaurants" scambit. It goes something like this:

YOU: Free mocha? That's for me!

(You drive to McDonalds.)

YOU: One free mocha, please.

McEMPLOYEE: I'm sorry -- we're not participating in that promotion.

YOU: Dammit. Gimme a McGriddle.

C'mon, restaurant chains -- is it that hard to get everybody on board?

Lets all join hands so we can't choke ourselves

First actor David Carradine may have killed himself accidentally by performing auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Now a kid in Wisconsin dies playing "The Choking Game", where participants either strangle themselves or have someone else push on their chests to experience a short high.

So how about we all dare to dream here and say "no more choking" because it's dangerous!

Unfortunately we can probably say stuff like that until we're blue in the face and it won't matter.