Wrap Rage

Three annoying things about the clamshell package:

1. The half-hour it takes to get the effing thing open.

2. The fact that the precious cargo inside is usually the cheapest phone/mp3 player/children's toy on the shelf.

3. The puncture wound from the kitchen knife you used to open it requires four stitches and a tetanus shot.

Rock N Roll Heaven Looks A Lot Like Guitar Hero 5

Virtual Kurt Cobain returns from the dead to rock Guitar Hero 5.

We're sorta glad we're not famous -- living forever looks creepier all the time.

The Garage Sale-inator

How is California trying to cope with its huge budget deficit?

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is autographing used cars and selling them on eBay.

No, seriously.

Do You Take This Woman To Be Your Valued Residential And Commerical Real Estate Agent?

It's hard to open a local newspaper without seeing pictures of the husband-wife real estate teams working hard to serve you.

Call us crazy, but we're nervous about a couple bringing their marital problems to our real-estate sale.

Check out the Jamisons at right (Philadelphia's #1 Husband and Wife Realtor Team!) -- Kevin seems like he's ready to sell, but Darlene isn't quite ready to forgive last night's drunken fantasy football draft.

We'll stick with the spinster lady -- less baggage.

Ace, the place, the angry people working there

Ace Hardware advertises itself as being "the place" to go for "friendly advice" about home improvement projects and questions about hardware.

Why is it then that every time we're there it's an uncomfortable conversation with the angry retiree helper-guy where we're reminded about how little we know about the subjects we're asking about.

Case in point: Chastising last night for not knowing the correct manufacturer on the quart of paint we wanted to buy. We left with it 20 minutes later.

Tear off the soul

We're really, really skeptical of soul patches, bro - most of the time they don't work, no matter how full of soul you might think they are.

But don't just take our word for it.

Miss UNIVERSE?

Miss Venezuela was named Miss "Universe" yesterday. Congratulations, Dayana Mendoza -- we're sure you're one of the loveliest ladies ON OUR PLANET.

Something tells us the judges might have been a little Earth-centric ...

And there might be a few beauties out there to contest the whole universe thing.