The worst candy ever made

Taking a marginally-likeable side dish and elevating it to candy status is no easy feat but that also doesn't mean the stuff is any good.

In fact, Boston Baked Beans are just plain terrible.

The thing we do like about them is that they're apparently self-aware enough to capitalize the "B" and "S" in their name - a subtle, yet honest admission as to their place in the world.

Surprise! Crook Goes To Jail!

Bernie Madoff's ex-CFO got a big surprise yesterday after pleading guilty to conspiracy and helping Madoff run his epic Ponzi scheme: The judge sent him packing to the pokie.

Defense attorney Marc Mukasey said his client, Frank DiPascali, "was completely unprepared for this." After all, his client was a white collar criminal who was genuninely repetent. He had even cooperated with the FBI! Even the prosecution attorneys were surprised to see DiPascali led off in cuffs.

Huzzah to U.S. District Judge Richard Sullivan!

Heidi Montag's Breasts Are Beautiful Art

Heidi Montag's new Playboy nudies are "beautiful art," according to new husband and professional prick Spencer Pratt.

"Not, like, Picasso art -- real beautiful art, you know what I'm saying?" Pratt was saying.

"See her powerful curves. They are powerful!" he told Us Magazine. "It's an honor. I feel like I did something great, like I should get a trophy!"

Keep your trophy, Spence -- we'll take the Picasso.

Hat tip: Noa Azoulay-Sclater

The official baloney of pro sports

The NFL secured a sponsorship agreement with a company for official toiletries.

Major League Baseball can boast an official oatmeal.

The NBA has a brand-new official fast food, their first change since 1990.

Even the lowly NHL has an official cracker, cookie and snack mix.

The really great thing about all this is not only do you get to be bombarded with it at every opportunity when watching these leagues, because the advertisers pass along the sponsorship costs you also get to pay for it.

All the crap in one convenient package

Valpak doesn't make us hate junk mail any less -- but at least it's all crammed in one envelope for easy disposal.

A Hot Steaming Slice of Putin

Reportedly worried about the muscle being flexed by Western leaders, Russian head honcho Vladmir Putin recently posed for this shirtless candid, ruggedly extending his rod into the waters of international diplomacy.

Well played, sir!

Mr. Obama -- your move?

The ring is not class

Most class rings are gaudy, ostentatious things and really good for very little other than to prove you once had an interaction with some creepy guy from Jostens.


If you're still wearing one on a daily basis out of a sense of nostalgia for your school days, then good for you, why not trot out the old mortarboard also and make every day graduation day?