Halloween, just barely sub-Christmas

Halloween has devolved into a commercial free-for-all nearly on par with Christmas.

That isn't any earth-shattering revelation but we're just sad about it. Halloween used to be our favorite holiday, and now its just another reason to get mad at how something fun has been turned crappy.

But go put on your Dog the Bounty Hunter costume and have a great time, we'll be sitting around a fire throwing in Halloween circulars.

No, Really, Throw It Back

From a marketing point of view, we get the NFL throwback jerseys.

You've already got the new Kyle Orton Broncos gear -- the home jersey, the away jersey, the practice jersey.

But do you have the one that makes him look like Bumblebee Man?

Return To Sender

We're pretty sure 17-year-old Ben Keough is an incredible musician. After all, how many other teens sign $5 million record deals before they can vote? Imagine the talent! Imagine the charisma!

Of course, it doesn't hurt to be Elvis' grandson.

I'll Have What She's Having

Picky eaters don't bother us generally -- what they choose to put in (or not put in) their mouths is their business.

It's the restaurant ordering ritual that takes the entire group down, since "what's on the menu" rarely satisfies. Leave off this. Add that. Can I get this on the side? Can I substitute?

Would it kill you to just order the #3?

Buffet the Appetite Slayer

Things we don't love about the buffet:

* The indeterminate period between food preparation and our arrival at said foodstuff

* The weird junior high chemistry lab burners keeping the food warm

* The swarthy fellow out on work release carving the roast beef

* The six-year-old just ahead of us sticking his elbow into everything

* Serving utensils touched by everyone in the room -- and where was the last place besides a buffet you actually saw tongs?

WARNING: Do Not Read This if You Have Moral, Ethical Or Religious Reasons Forcing You To Cower Helplessly While Someone Attacks Your Wife Or Your Kids

Meet Captain Chris, "an unarmed combat instructor for members of the US & UK Special Forces and dozens of military and para-military professionals and mercenaries around the globe."

He'll teach you to be unbeatable in the street, no matter your age or fitness level.

It even "works against NAZIS." You can learn "how to make someone who tries to choke you literally drown in his own spit. (Frankly, you have to see this one to believe it—it's that incredible.)"

We're not really the violent types, but frankly, we're intrigued.

(Thanks, Patricia Ohanian Lundstrom!)

We're SOOOO Wasted, You Guys

HAILEY: We're SOOOOOOO wasted, you guys. No seriously. I'm not even kidding. What?

Someone needs to take our picture. Seriously, right? I know!

ASHLEY: I want to be in the picture, you guys.

BRI: I know, right?

ANNOUNCER: With the new Samsung TL 220, you can see yourself when you're pointing the camera AT yourself -- never miss another drunken moment again.

HAILEY: Woooooooooo!

Hat tip: John Urban