Dangerous criminal Zach Christie, 6, was sentenced to 45 days at an alternative school for bringing his favorite camping gizmo to school -- a folding fork/spoon/knife combo with which he intended to eat his lunch.
The school board, only after the national humiliation that comes with being a bunch of idiots, downgraded the punishment to a 3-5 day suspension.
No weapons in school. We get it. But since when did we become so intolerant of common sense?
Do you know someone or something that needs an honorable discharge from popular culture? Let us know. If we use your suggestion, we'll send you an exclusive YAFTG executive stress ball. Fun at parties!
YOU ARE FREE TO GO
"You Are Free To Go" addresses people, places, songs, sayings and anything else with a tenuous contribution to our culture that is no longer necessary. Thanks, trucker hats, Melissa Rivers, and obsessive use of hand sanitizer -- You Are Free To Go. By contributing writers for The Onion.
UPDATED MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY --Which is more than fair.
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