Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Famous People Tweet Too



Recent celebrity wisdom from Twitter:


Yoko Ono:  Sometimes the moon looks closer than Tokyo.


Crispin Glover:  Hello.  The person who was twittering as Crispin Hellion Glover on this account previously was not me.  Now this is me Crispin Hellion Glover!


Fred Durst:  Time to cuddle.  Time to think.  Time to cuddle.  Oh boy.



Vanessa Hudgens:  I'm on the prowl for the cutest sandals for Spring......and Summer!!!!!!!!



Kevin Smith:  I went for a walk today.  It's the most exercise I've had in months.  I'm ready to vomit.  Fuck, I'm fat.




Everyone can stop holding their breath

People magazine has confirmed what the world hoped was true: Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are still friends.

If that isn't enough to get the box of Kleenex out, then know that they take vacations together too.  With their families.

Celebrity Stand-Up: John Mayer

video

Zombies with whitened teeth



Teeth-whitening has turned scary smiles into far scarier smiles by making snaggled-tooth grins impossibly pearly.

And it's brought to you by the most ridiculous fake-blog advertisements on the web, with contrived comments like:

JulieHow long did it take to ship?
Sarah@Julie, not long at all. If I remember correctly, it was about a week for both products.

This might be the one place where we would advocate for celebrities to be placed above the rest of us.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Is everyone here? Can we get started?




In medieval times, men and women were tortured on triangular seats where the victims were slowly and cruelly impaled.






Today, we call this method of persecution "the conference call."

Sure he's not trying to be somebody in BTO?


The depths of the tribute-band abyss have now been plummed with this story: "Edgerton Dentist Rocks Out In Mellencamp Tribute Band."

The tooth-pulling goes on into the night.


Really? In this economy?


Much like the pharmaceutical companies and their pen fixation, most logos today are slapped on innappropriate products that have nothing to do with the logos themselves.







Though occasionally made in the USA, most of the products are cheap knockoffs produced in foreign sweat shops ...






... by indigent workers with little hope for a bright future.





Call us cynical, but isn't there a better way to spend money in this ecomony?






The You Are Free To Go Online Emporium. Open for business.

Makes the wine cooler seem like a legitimate drink

Flavored martinis are an abomination - they're trendy, they're expensive, and have the worst names imaginable: "panty-remover", for instance.

Oh, and the bartender dudes that make them - they're smooth too.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Now that's service?

God bless restaurants for trying to do the little things but taking all the paper off a straw except for one bit on the end just isn't necessary. We can manage that one.

Just work on the big stuff, like being friendly and providing decent service.

That will be fine.

Every Dog Has Its Daybed

Kennels suck, say our dog.

That's why it wants to be booked in one of the several dog resorts replacing traditional boarding joints.

And why not? The dog can choose from:
  • Bungalow
  • Suite
  • Villa
  • Ambassador Suite
  • Presidential Suite
And after dark, relax with some of the bitches in the Central Bark Lounge.  Our vacation sounds kinda lame in comparison.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Attack of the Super Tomatoes

Need a gift idea for the person who has everything except for giant fruit? We got you covered.  Yes, it's ...

"A super-growing tree that z-o-o-m-s high as a man IN JUST 3 MONTHS!" 

Don't like tomatoes?  You can still 

Grow In Yard As A Garden Wonder...Or As A Patio Showpiece!

And just in case you're worried the offer's not legit, rest easy.  Super Tomatoes are As Seen On TV.

Celebrity Stand-Up: Kevin Smith

video

Time to change the chickens diapers?

The free-range chicken movement was touted as a better, humane alternative to giant corporate enterprises that jammed birds into confined spaces.

Free-range is on the back-burner now, replaced by the idea of urban chicken keeping - where well-meaning, but sadly-deluded city dwellers jam birds into confined spaces that happen to be in their yards.

This article even states it's possible to keep chickens indoors, "through the use of diapers."

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Still waiting for Lee Greenwood to enlist


God Bless the USA - Lee Greenwood













Hoist the boombox over your head and smash it


-Peter Gabriel "In Your Eyes"








Schock the monkey

Meet Rep. Aaron Schock (R-IL).

Congressman Studly (as he's now being referred to on TMZ.com) has the best abs in Congress. As Schock told CNN:

People who watch TMZ or different mediums don't expect to see their congressman on such a show. They're used to seeing the Britney Spears or the movie star, but to see their hometown congressman on a show like this kind of raises their interest and gets them a little excited.

Somehow, Capra didn't see this coming.

These people also can devour an entire night of karaoke

We know better than most that it's nice to have commentors.

But on some sites, scribes are averaging eight forum posts a day since 2006? That qualifies as a PIG in our book - it's nothing to deify.



Forum God/Goddess
Posts: 7533
Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2001 11:41 am
Location: Whoville

(Actual commentor, name removed)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

When Tragedy Becomes a Cliche



And no, we're not going to read his poetry now.

The Glamourous Life

Glamour Shots is trying to upgrade its image from the old days of feather boas and Vaseline-smeared lenses. A laudable goal -- but it's going to take us a while to get over these:



Celebrity Stand-Up: Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis

video

Wear this to hear others cutting you down for having a Bluetooth

The Bell & Howell Silver Sonic XL looks like a Bluetooth earpiece but it's not.

It's a high-powered hearing aid.

Now you can be a jerk for listening in on conversations instead of talking over them.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Real. Ugly. Pants.






What is it about golf that makes grown men wear ugly pants?






Caution: They breed.


Go out cheering

With even pro sports feeling the pinch we shouldn't be surprised to see an NFL-licensed coffin but that doesn't make it any less sad.


Friday, March 20, 2009

They lost us at Chicken Soup for the Scrapbooker's Soul


I'm glad these good-hearted cats aren't in it for the money.



Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul
Chicken Soup for the African American Soul
Chicken Soup for the African American Woman’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the American Idol Soul
Chicken Soup for the Beach Lover’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Bride’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Canadian Soul
Chicken Soup for the Caregiver’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul
Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul 2
Chicken Soup for the Christian Family Soul
Chicken Soup for the Christian Woman's Soul
Chicken Soup for the Country Soul
Chicken Soup for the Couple’s Soul 
Chicken Soup for the Dieter’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Entrepreneur’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Gardner’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Girlfriend’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Golden Soul
Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul
Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul
Chicken Soup for the Latino Soul
Chicken Soup for the Latter-day Saint Soul
Chicken Soup for the Military Wife’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Nature Lover's Soul
Chicken Soup for the Nurse’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Nurse’s Soul: Second Dose
Chicken Soup for the Ocean Lover’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Parent’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Prisoner’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul
Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul
Chicken Soup for the Scrapbooker’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Shopper’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Single’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Sister’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Sister’s Soul 2 
Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work
Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Cancer Book 
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Celebrating Brothers and Sisters
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Celebrating People Who Make a Difference
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Children with Special Needs
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Divorce and Recovery
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Empty Nesters
Chicken Soup for the Soul in Menopause
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living Catholic Faith
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living Your Dreams
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Love Stories
Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Resolution
Chicken Soup for the Soul of America
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Stories for a Better World
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Stories of Faith 
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Twins and More 
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Woman to Woman
Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul
Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Traveler’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul
Chicken Soup for the Veteran’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Volunteer’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Working Woman’s Soul
Chicken Soup for the Writer’s Soul
Chicken Soup from the Soul of Hawai’i
Chicken Soup to Inspire a Woman’s Soul
Chicken Soup to Inspire the Body and Soul
Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul
A 6th Bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul 
A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul
A Second Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul

It takes knowledge, research, and acumen

Winners of our last three NCAA office pools:







Sarah the intern










Mrs. McGwire, Accounting (retired)












Stephen, independent Mac specialist

Only five more buckets this week and you can have a gold card




KFC in Bulgaria goes far beyond the laughable "Colonel's Email Club" of its USA counterparts with a full-blown KFC Club rewards card.

According to the website it's fun and easy too: "The only thing you have to do is enjoy KFC Original taste more often."

Bid like your lips depend on it




Three bids for six "all new" strawberry Chapsticks.


Four days left.