David Hasselhoff said there would be days like these
Public Pool Lifeguard doesn't seem like he has it too rough: Getting paid to tan. Lots of attractive, barely clothed people running around. His own whistle.
So why does it seem like the job -- sitting there -- pains him so? You're getting a check, pal -- could we lose the bored sneer and the "I wish I was at the mall" body posture?
God forbid you have to jump in and save somebody once a summer.
Do you know someone or something that needs an honorable discharge from popular culture? Let us know. If we use your suggestion, we'll send you an exclusive YAFTG executive stress ball. Fun at parties!
YOU ARE FREE TO GO
"You Are Free To Go" addresses people, places, songs, sayings and anything else with a tenuous contribution to our culture that is no longer necessary. Thanks, trucker hats, Melissa Rivers, and obsessive use of hand sanitizer -- You Are Free To Go. By contributing writers for The Onion.
UPDATED MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY --Which is more than fair.
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